Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Spelunky, the bane of my exsistance. A long post but hopefully inspirational

  Morning everyone. I decided to post a bit early.  I just dropped my friend off at work and have some time to burn before i pick up my cousin at 3 as always.  I am writing this at 11:48, however, due to many factors (procrastination, getting distracted, getting bored) you might be reading this post more around 4 o clock.  A few people have said they want to hear about me, my characters, and interesting things i do, however i never got replies, so today, I'm going to talk about one of my favorite things, video games.  If you couldn't tell by my very first post, I'm a bit of a gamer and on Friday, i told you how it all started.  Today however, i won't be talking about a big name game like Skyrim or Pokemon, no I'm going to talk about an X-Box live arcade game (which was originally a PC game and i discovered also has been ported to the 3DS shop as "Spelunker") i stumbled upon.  This is going to be a sort of review/warning about this fantastic little game, and even if you don't play videogames, please read.  I'm sure you'll enjoy laughing at my pain.  If you don't want to read everything, please at least read the last 2 paragraphs which i hope will inspire you a little bit.
  Once upon a time, i was watching my favorite youtuber, TheJWittz talking about Pokemon as i often do, when i noticed a button!  This button was a link to his Let's Play channel where he had many videos.  I started off by watching his play through of New Super Mario Bros U with his girlfriend, RenaeCollects.  Their hilarious fighting and commentary while playing made me want to watch more.  I preferred watching co-ops because i liked hearing people talk to each other, and noticed one game he had done an episode of co-op of called Spelunky.  Innocently enough, i began to watch from his first episode which I'll put below for your entertainment and i suggest you watch the whole set (warning, he is playing it live so he does use some adult language but this game...if you play it, u'll forgive him).  I laughed and enjoyed watching his ridiculous struggle trying to reach the final boss, Olmec and thought to myself "There's no way it's really this hard!"  See the meme above.
  In the video, JWittz explains the mechanics and story pretty well as most of the thing you'll be facing, but let me lay out a list of what makes this $15 game more challenging and infuriating than $50 Skyrim.
    1.) You have 4 lives, but these lives aren't like say, Zelda where each heart has 4 hits.  No No, these are 1 hit lives, or essentially, 4 health.  Not only that, but each enemy as well as a long fall does AT LEAST 1 damage, Booby traps do 2, and spikes, the time ghost, and tiki poles are an instant kill
    2.) The ONLY way to replenish lives is either attain a damsel for 1 kiss at the end of the level = 1 heart IF you can find her and keep her alive till the end, or sacrifice 2 damsels to an altar.  Sounds easy?  Not every level has an altar and not every level has an easily attainable damsel!
    3.)  The game has 4 "worlds" with 4 levels each.  Say you get past the mines and to the forest.  Good job!  But if you die?  You go back to 1-1.  The very first level.  You get all the way to Olmec (which i have never come close to)?  Awesome!  You die?  Back to 1-1!
    4.)  Every single level along with the music and the introduction are all randomly generated.  No set order, no set enemies, just the game and you.
    5.)  BATS AND SPIDERS AND SKELETONS AND RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
    6.)  Are you taking to long on a level?  Perhaps looking for a damsel?  Well you might be attacked by what i call the time ghost who is seen in the video.  Single hit from him and you're dead.  Also, the longer you take, the higher chance of getting the next level to be completely dark except a torch you have to carry (and yes, you can only carry 1 item at a time.  so damsel or light?  Your choice)
    7.)  Let's say you want a nice bag of bombs or some paste!  Maybe even a jetpack or climbing glove!  You pay a visit to your friend the shop keeper and a bat follows you.  The bat bops the shopkeeper.  He pulls out his rifle and your dead.  Let's say you escape him!  Maybe the next shop huh?  Nope, he wants to kill you too.  EVERY SHOPKEEPER FOR THE REST OF THE GAME WILL TRY TO KILL YOU IN THE FACE!!  RUN.  RUN AND PRAY FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
                                                       
Don't let the cuteness deceive you!!!
Spelunky characters
  Now, this looks like a lot of complaints and rage and it's just scraping the surface really, but this isn't to say i hate the game.  In fact, it's the best $15 I've ever spent.  Just recently i also downloaded the original Metroid and Super Mario Bros and discovered how ridiculously hard they are, with the clunky controls and such.  Playing Spelunky, i get this feeling that's in reality, it's most similar to these old games.  No real help, no hints, no cheats, just skill.  You have to power your way through, blood, sweat, tears, and other bodily fluids go into playing this game (jk i swear.)  This game has amazing features like multiple characters to play as, many female and all of them adorable, the choice to have male damsels (a.k.a. mansels) or even a pug (yes the dog) awaiting you to rescue them, which lets a realm of freedom into the game, multiplayer mode for up to 4 people, adorable graphics which give it a feel similar to Castle Crashers and other indie games on the X-Box, and the music is also randomly picked from a set of songs, giving it fresh twists everytime you play.  I love this game.  I LOVE THIS GAME.  Let me make it very very clear, I LOVE THIS GAAAMMMEEE!!  It's the intensity and the absolute difficulty that makes me come back to this game, want so badly to finish it.  One things videogames have taught me in my life is never to give up, never surrender (bonus to anyone who gets that quote).  It's because of games i have learned that giving up just gets you nothing, but going forward through all the hardship, all the pain, maybe, just maybe, you'll get one level further, and then another, and then another, until you reach Olmec, and maybe you'll fail!  But that's great!  You got there!  You didn't give up!  You fought your way there and you earned it, not with cheats or help from a guide, but with your own efforts.  Life doesn't have a guide my friends.
   I'm sorry this post was so long, however, i hope it was entertaining and inspirational and all that jazz.  I highly recommend this game and i highly recommend watching TheJWitt's video below!  Again, adult language warning.  I hope everyone has a fantastic day!  Remember to check back occasionally in case i post extra stuff in a day! Vote, Comment, Post, all that good stuff.  Later!!