Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Rant Time: Chivalry is Dead

  So, i know i already posted an extremely long Spelunky post today, but i just got back from picking up my cousin and i have a story to tell you!  Get your fuzzy blankets and your hot coco cause it's my new segment, "Rant time!"
   Allow me to paint you a picture.  You're getting ready to pick up your cousin as is your job.  You are all set by 1:30 and don't have to leave your house for another hour, and if you do leave at 2:30, you'll still be a good 10 minutes early.  Occasionally, you can pick up said cousin this early so you are very used to this schedule.  However, today, when you drove your friend to work, you realized your car was on the brink of death, dying for a drink of gas.  You valiantly decide to revive your dear companion and get him a full stomach before you set out on your journey.  With money in had, you set out to the distant land of Sa'm.  As you approach, you are nearly attacked by a similar beast to your companion!  With a quick jerk of the reigns, you are free from harm and take a sigh of relief, then proceed to use the alternate entrance to obtain the ambrosia your friend is in dire need of.  That's when you see it.  The whole kingdom has come to the very same spot!  You notice a sign saying "2.99" and know this is the very sign that called them all here, a low price.  You tap your fingers boredly as traveler after traveler feeds their hungers slowly then trudges on.  You notice the line beside you has not moved an inch and wonder what could be holding up these aching souls.  Finally, your turn may be taken!  You approach the spot and dismount, allowing your beast to eat it's fill as you stand by patiently, but your eyes wander to a different traveler in the next line.  What's this?  Not one...not two....not even three....but 4 barrels he has to fill with the desired food!  4!!
     You sigh and let wanderers be wanders, for you are on a quest and must not trouble yourself with such
matters.  Then, a knight appears!  The knight travels from station to station, seeing that all is well.  He comes upon the man with many barrels and inquires as to why.  You turn your head as not to appear nosey, but keep your ears attuned.  Many an incoherent and silly word was uttered and you become impatient with your own companion as many minutes have passed.  Surely though, the knight is busy with such great matters as the barrel man and you will be left to your own devises as you tap your foot, preparing for your journey.  What?!  The knight approaches??  You quickly glance at your companion and the toll he is racking up and fidget nervously.  Time is running out!
   "So...You have been here...what?  5 minutes?"  The knight says, investigating your trough and friend.  You, a well spoken adventurer (who decides not to make note of the rude and abrupt approach of the man), nod in agreement and try not to show the bead of sweat accumulating on your forehead in fear.  Just as the knight is about to speak, you hear a wonderus sound!  You quickly hop onto your companion and dash away.  You look back, expecting the Knight to return to the pressing matter of the barrel man, but what's this?  He turns to leave?!  Blasphemy!  Chivalry is dead my friends.