Sunday, July 21, 2013

Rant Time: Online trickery, a thousand reasons why i don't want kids, and a cute movie.

     Welcome to Rant Time!!! Onward!
Aha!  A quest!  Simple enough.  Your task is to escort your cousin, a simple apprentice, to the Barn of Nobility to attain a free book of fairy tales and such, as well as acquire a few cards for trading on your
Your quest item
travels.  Afterwords, you are to attend a traveling show with her.  In preparation, you delve through your knowledge and book of logs to see if the Barn of Nobility was to be carrying a specific item that would make your small home more cozy.  You sighed, discovering the item will not be at the store.  You instead place an order through a catalog.  This costs the same as it would at the Barn, and the catalog has a special deal, 25% taken off a hardy purchase of 12 gold or more, however, alas, you are a single fraction short!  You search the catalog for a worthy accomplice to your purchase and discover a delightful magical pill that will do quite nicely.  What's this?  The cost is even less than it would have been with just the original item?  A merry day indeed!  You send in your purchase instantly and smile as you head to your loyal companion creature to begin your escort mission.  You arrive on time and attain a few items for your quest: some gold for an item that must be purchased, a list of tales for your cousin, and a potion to keep your spirits high.  You lead your apprentice to your companion and head for the first location.
    In your duo strides with purpose.  A rather confusing set of instructions of finding these tales is given, but with a smile.  You search and search, then ask again, only to realize you're standing right before them!  A bright shade of pink showers your cheeks.  You then take hold of the second item, and head to the back to see if, just perhaps, a similar item as the one you could not find in the books was there.  WHAT'S THIS?!?  THEY HAD ONE?!  You sigh in defeat, having to had payed for shipping...but perk up remembering the pills that are to accompany it.  Then, you purchase your cards and the quest item and set forth towards the play.  Upon arrival your mind suddenly feels a twinge of....something odd, however you ignore it and go forth.  You burst through the doors and head for the----GOOD GODS!!!!  The whole kingdom and perhaps many from the boarding lands as well have come to the same theater.  "Perhaps they come for another play" you hope, desperately.  The queue winds out the doorway and trudges slowly, inch by inch upon the smooth floor.  The young maiden and her 2 younglings utter loud comments behind you, apparently going to a tragedy, or rather, a horror.  A horror?  With one so young it can hardly utter words?  One who is whistling incesantly like a small bug in your ear?  You sigh and hold your judgment.  At last!  Tickets!  Now just to--oh...oh no....NOT THE GREAT BEAST!!!  Larger than the mightiest dragon, fiercer than the mighty beasts of distant lands, the lines to get snacks rages in front of you.  You sigh, looking at your hungry apprentice and are glad you were early enough.  No...o gods no...the same family follows you to the next line.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Sustenance is finally attained and you hurry to the theater.
      All your darkest nightmares come true.  Thousands of yearlings and young ones along with their village folk have populated the small, dark theater.  You take a pair of unoccupied seats as far away from others as
possible and instantly feel hot as dragon's fire.  The bodies all wiggle to try and get comfortable for the production and you sigh, letting your mind wander to previous adventure.  Then begins Hell.  As the show begins, a chorus of wails, sounds, shouts, cries, and questions rains down upon your eardrums.  You try to focus on the players, but your head feels heavy and your skin hot, so you slip in and out of focus.  The show is rather cute, however similar to a few before it, and is not the source of any sort of anger in and of itself.  You are amused, but when everyone else is also amused, your head drums and you sigh.  A shout, a cry, all the more reasons you have pledged your love to adventure rather than the sedentary life so many lead.  Finally, the end approaches and the crowd cheers the players as they take their final bow.  You instantly go for the door and return home.  You collapse upon your couch and sigh into the pillow "i will never have children" and then go softly to sleep into the night.