*Hey guys, the stuff below is about to get heavy. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. Fair warning, it's a bit of a rant. And not the fun Rant Time kind either. Sorry.*
Last night I had a bit of a fight with my hypocritical mother about this weekend, which she told me was free but turns out to be busy: so, I may not be able to go to the birthday party I planned for my friend -_-. Also, she essentially tells me to hang out with my friends more, and after I had them over this weekend, she was angry that I hung out with them too much, and then a few moments later asked me when they were going to come over again because I need to hang out more.
I live in a town where the only options for social occasions are to swim (which costs money since none of us have a pool), bowl (which costs a ton and gets boring quickly), parks (which get hot in the over 100 degree weather we are having, even at night), going to movies (which mostly everyone has seen and again, costs a lot of money), or hanging out at someone's house. My house has the most space, largest TV, and I don't have any younger siblings to worry about, so it's the best option. Plus, when I tried to rant about this to someone, I had some tension with them because of how poorly I was feeling, which sequentially made me feel worse. Not to mention, yesterday the girls really badgered me a few times and wore me out. Nothing bad, but weird stuff like tugging my hair and getting in my face which just made me exhausted, so I was sort of grumpy.
I've felt kind of odd and empty inside, almost like I'm sick or something. I've been feeling just plain weird all day. I think I'm still a bit sad about my livestream and the thing with my parents and friends, so maybe I'm just a bit bummed. I've had some strange, dark dreams and just...weird ones. I hate to be a downer, but after a day of having to put on a smile for 36 girls, you need someone to listen to you and know that maybe, you're not alone. The worst part is, as I keep doing this blog, I see less and less feedback. The livestream was a flop, my poll hasn't been voted on, and in general, I have only ever had a few comments from my real life friends. I feel like I'm talking to nothing but air. If there is someone out there reading this, give me a sign. A single vote on the poll, a comment, heck even just a +1 or a share. Thank you internet, for being there when I feel lost. <3