Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Top 10 videogame baddies (may contain spoilers)

   Hi everyone!  Today was a pretty standard day as far as days go.  However, at lunch, our table got taken by some freshies and also, some poor girl walking by i guess got her foot caught in a door so her foot was bleeding all over the place and it was weird and i sorta had to help.  It was a fiasco.  She was bleeding, her friends were futilely searching for paper towels, and the staff was calling the nurse who offered to cart her back in a wheelchair.  I let her sit at my table while she waited for the nurse to get there though so that was an adventure.
   Anyway!  Today i want to talk about those who prevent you from achieving your goals.  That one thing in a game that halts you and adds a bit of drama to your life.  Now, this is based only on games i have played and these are all top of the head sort choices so if im missing someone you like, add in the comments.  Now, first to define a "baddy."  This list will consist not just of characters labeled "evil" but also anyone who gets in the way in some for of achieving your goal in the game and this doesn't include movie based games or games that use characters popularized in moves.  NOW let me clarify further.  I did not include things like "snow" or "lag."  These are things that are programmed to stop you and more than that, these are the TOP.  Some of these may count as spoilers as well as some cursing towards the end so do be wary.  So, let's kick it off with our buddy...

10.)  Haytham Kenway (Assassin's Creed 3)
      Haytham, the father of the protagonist, Connor, in Assassin's Creed 3.  He is actually the first character
you play as and i made the mistake of not playing around all i wanted to before i was shifted to Connor.  To me, Haytham seemed loveable, likeable, and most important, a true B.A.  Haytham showed his awesomeness early in the game whereas his son didn't do all that much for me.  When we discovered he was actually a Templar, it was so satisfying and had so much potential to cause conflict.  I was dissapointed how little we got to see him and i really wish it had ended differently.  He was a really fun character and has buckets more personality than his son.  I can't wait to meet his father cause let me tell you, Black Flag is lookin good.
Cons:  Not enough of him, leaves Connor's mom like a jerk

9.)  Bowser (Mario games)
       When you think Mario, what do you think?  A plumber who is slacking off by saving some princess?
 How about his neglected older brother?  No!  You think a giant dragon-turtle that can breath fire!!  King Bowser Koopa is what makes the Mario Bros. series what it is.  Without his constant kidnapping of Princess Peach (Toadstool), our dear Mario would be nothing but a plumber.  However, as the video i have someplace beside this or under it will tell you, it's all a lie.  It's simply a plot to give Peach some excitement, Bowser some money or fun, and Mario a chance t play hero.  However, at the same time we know that Peach is Bowser Jr's mther.  Ew right?  But maybe big bad Bowser just wants to love Peach?  That's why this purely classic baddy can't trump some of our bigger bad guys like our next favorite big guy...
Cons:  Overused, all a lie, generally easy to beat

8.)  Ganondorf (Legend of Zelda)
       This man (beast?) deserves a prize for persistence.  Throughout ages, universes, timelines, Ganon is still trying to have his wishes come true with the power of the Triforce.  And just look at this name!   Hylian GHylian AHylian NHylian OHylian NHylian DHylian OHylian RHylian F  Imagine writing that on every application at the castle! And imagine, this poor guy is the only male in his race.  Try dealing with a whole city of females hat like stabbing things.  He deserves a medal for that alone!  I actually have yet to beat any of the games he is in so for now, that's all i can say about this classic villain!                                               Cons:  A bit confusing timeline wise, i haven't beat him yet
7.)  Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda:  Skyward Sword)
         Ok...let's just...let's just talk about this guy.  Two Zelda's in a row you ask?  How could this noob trump the classic Ganon?  Well...well....just...just watch this video and sorry this was the only good higher quality video so forgive the weird voice...he doesn't have a voice in the game.    
Ok, now...let's talk shall we?  1.) that outfit.  What....what people, the symbol of evil.  2.)  That face....that hair those eyes.....i.....creepy.  so very creepy.  and to top the creepy off, we have that lovely cherry ontop, that 3.) HORRIFIC TONGUE!  I mean what IS THAT?!?!  What is he doing?!?!?!  Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  On top of that. he's not too easy to beat!  I took a good beating from him before my Wii died.  
Cons:  Haven't beaten the game.  HE KILLED MY WII.

6.)  Gary/Rival (Pokemon)  
         When entering the Pokemon world, you are given a choice.  Be good and name your rival "Gary" or
"Blue," "Hugh" or whatever it is, or name them (cursing warning) Dickface, asshat, or something else profane.  This choice begins your journey.  Will you be the very best like no one ever was?  It's all up to that rival.  The rival is the driving force in Pokemon.  You HAVE to beat that other guy i you want to be the champion and they will be there every step of the way to stop you.  They will be there to test you, make you a better trainer so you can, in the end, defeat them and reach your true potential.  However, they can be a bit annoying at times and, have gotten less iconic overtime.  I honestly, although i love Gen 3,  I couldn't for the life of me remember the rival.  However, i do like Hugh, the latest rival, as he isn't so much a rival as a friend searching for his sister's purrloin although he annoys the crap out of me sometimes.  However, they aren't the MOST annoying thing in the Pokemon world.............
Cons:  annoying, YOU KILLED HIS RATICATE, getting less memorable?

5.)  BATS (every game ever)
         These guys....they...the main defining factor is that which attempts to stop you from achieving you goal right?  Well let me tell you.  BATS IN EVERY VIDEO GAME DO JUST THAT!!!
Cons:  Generally 1 hit K.O, TOO MANY OF THEM!!!!!, Pretty Generic

4.) N/Team Plasma (Pokemon White/Black and White 2/Black 2)
            When playing Pokemon what are you doing?  You're cramming animals into balls then forcing them

Why are they all ginger?
to fight each other until the other faints and in the case of Gary's Ratticate, death.  No baddie makes you feel so guilty as Team Plasma who preaches the releasing of the enslaved Pokemon.  Plus, at the helm is the wondrously sexy N.  N is a great character i truly, truly love and in many ways.  N is a good guy caught up in the wrong side.  All he wants are for Pokemon to be free and just look at his adorable face!!  Plus, fun fact, the letter N is equidistant between Black and White, 6 letters on each side of it.  This makes Ns name make sense since he sees the world in Black and White and he is right there in the middle.  Cute huh?  And i gotta hand it to them, they have GREAT outfits over at team Plasma.  The problem is though, in Black and White 2, the lost there pizzazz.  I didn't really understand what was going on anymore and maybe it'll make sense as i get closer to the end.  I hope so.
Cons:  Make no sense in second game, total hypocrites

3.)  Reapers (Mass Effect)
          All this has been good and fun, but lets get serious or a second.  Reapers in Mass Effect aren't here to
kidnap a princess or free some Pokemon or even just to get in your way like a bat.  They are here to consumer humanity.  Reapers legitimately kill hundreds of thousands of people including people you come to be close to.  The first game is simple enough.  Nothing heartbreaking.  Number two, you make a single slip and you could lose someone you love.  And 3?  Every step you take is death and destruction.  I can't even play that game for fear of seeing my beloved Garrus fall victim to them.  I am actually scared of Reapers.  No jokes, no playful freedom from the real world.  Reapers embody the very essence of fear, of hopelessness, of defeat and yu are expected to stare them in the eyes (do they have eyes?) and look past the blood of your own friends and try to save the universe.
Cons:  Utterly heartbreaking

2.)  Spikes (every game ever)
        What always kills you?  What takes a single hit to end your journey?  What makes you just want to
scream on a mountain top?  Spikes.  Spikes alone account for bout 90% of my deaths in Spe---every game.  Seriously  They just sit there.  Watching.  Waiting.  Expecting that one moment where you make a single wrong flick of the pad and fly ever so slightly off path and into their sharp embrace.  Nothing stops me from achieving my goals like these damn pointy jerks just sitting there mocking me!!!!!

Cons:  Don't move (in most cases), can be jumped over (sometimes)

But what you ask could possibly be worse than Reapers?  Spikes?  BATS?!?  Who could possibly stand in your way more than your very own Pokemon rival?  To find them, stand up.  Now, walk to your bathroom.  Look into the mirror.  The number one thing stopping you from beating the game is...

1.)  Yourself.
        The only one standing in your way is yourself.  The moment you rage quit, the moment you put the
controller down, the moment you decide to do your homework like a good student rather than play, you are a villain worse than Bowser, Ganondorf, or N.  You are the hindrance that stops you from achieving your gals both in games and in life!  Unless you grab your controller and buckle down, you are that force.  Tat enemy which says to the hero "You shall not pass!"  What can you do to defeat this baddie?  No, you can't just jump over or hit a switch, you can't throw out a Pokemon or smack it away with your whip.  You can't slash at it with a sword or blast with a gun.  You have to try.  The thing that moves you forward each day in a game is the motivation to beat yourself.  Yes, i got to level 3-2.  But that's not good enough.  I need to get to 3-3.  3-4.  Olmec!  Not only that, there's your friends!  Highscores!  That mental state you're in saying "I must be better than ___."  That is the greatest motivation any villain could give.
Cons:  work, life, school

So that's it!  Sorry this one is so late it took a LOT of effort and geez i'm tired.  I hope your guys forgive my choppy writing and rapid thought along with my cheesiness.  It's so late.  I really hope you all enjoyed this post and i hope it'll hold you over until this weekend!  Vote, share, all that good stuff!!  <3